#50. I love mini food

I love cupcakes. they're like a mini cake. any food in miniature is somehow tastier but especially dessert-type food.

Rock & I are still in negotiations about the dessert section of our wedding. he's not a big sweets fan but does love brownies, pie and the occasional chocolate chip cookie. I, on the other hand, have an unquenchable sweet tooth and will eat nearly any dessert except for white (wedding) cake. we've tossed around some ideas . . . a non-traditional-weddingy cake, cupcakes, cheesecakes, pie, cookies, donuts (which Rock's brother & Sparkles just did, so that'll be a "no") . . . but we still haven't really come to any conclusions.

but I just found these!:

they're mini pies!! baked in little jars!

visit Not Martha for a great tutorial and lots of pictures. the best part? because they're in jars, they're freezable. I could make them ahead of time and then just freeze them until we need them!

wait, am I actually thinking about making my own wedding food? am I crazy? . . . . . .

#48. faux vintage

in the last post, I was wondering how to find cheap vintage blue ball mason jars. I did a little research and found that they sell in shops & on ebay for, like, $10. each! I was ready to abandon the idea. then, I found this: make vintage mason jars. A.Mountain.Bride found a tutorial at Bridal Buzz and re-posted the steps and images.

kristin at Bridal Buzz used turquoise glass paint to simply paint the jars the vintage color. so brilliantly obvious that I never would have thought of it! I will refrain from re-posting the whole thing here, but look at the finished product:
it looks exactly like Non-Texan Momma's jar! maybe prettier . . . (don't tell Momma)


I bought the glass paint and thinner online from dick blick. I'll let you know how it turns out!

#45. last time, on survivor

you know how at the beginning of the show, they tell you what you missed last week? well, here's what you missed: 3 people from my department quit (out of 12 total, all from my specific office), work drama, non-texan sister didn't take well to an experimental hospital procedure, I totally forgot I had a blog, I didn't get funding for grad school, our landlady disappeared (no really, like, gone. still gone, actually), then I DID get funding, I remembered I had a blog but didn't have anything to say, sister got better, I quit, more work drama, I moved and started school, Rock moved somewhere else (sad), and I got better about blogging again. (that last part might be still to come, but I totally believe it!)

did you follow all that? no prob, not important. what is important it that I AM BACK! and I have Save The Dates!

I'm not sure how I got there, but I was wedding surfing and came upon Merriment Design. totally cute, clever, crafty, FREE ideas for all kinds of things! anyway, I found this adorable FREE save the date template based off of a sketch of Shel Silverstein's The Giving Tree. it's perfect for our wedding under the trees! (and did I mention it's FREE?!)

so, I downloaded it, added our info, added some color and drew in a little sunflower at the bottom! what do you think?

(sorry for the blurry, my photoshop's not working so it's via powerpoint. I'll get a better pic up asap.)
(click to enbiggen and to see with less blurry!)

go to Merriment Design and check out all the fun crafty ideas they have!

#44. ch-ch-ch-changes . . .

guess what? I moved! I quit my job, moved to a little apartment, started grad school and have had absolutely no time! and it's AWESOME! the only sad part? Rock hasn't been able to find a new job. so he's still in Dallas, working. (and living in an even smaller apartment than this one!)

I've got great stuff to show you (invites! centerpiece craft idea! the dress!) but no time! soon! I'll be back soon!

#41. I won!

let's start by saying I never win anything. door prizes, bingo games, bets, scratch-off lotto tickets . . . nothing. you know those carnival games where you pick up the floating duck & win a prize if the bottom is red or whatever? yeah, no. my duck is not a winner.

but, I DID win a little "contest" the Repeat Bride was having the other day for some engagement books. (she was mostly giving them away, but hush. I will claim my small victories where I can) I "won" a copy of Emotionally Engaged: A Bride's Guide to Surviving the "Happiest" Time of Her Life (by Allison Moir-Smith).

I'm kind of excited.

also, check out her blog. it's great. she's very honest about the ups & downs of preparing not just for a wedding but for a life together. actually, she's really very honest about everything. pretty great.

(ps: does it make me a nerd to be really excited about winning a book? probably. do I care? nope.)

#40. the birdcage

once wed just posted "how-tos" for this great birdcage veil! I love it! now, where around here would I find a store to sell me these supplies? joanns just won't cut it for this project . . .

#39. t-minus one year. and counting!

over the weekend, Rock & I celebrated our negativersary . . . is that a word? can I make it one? . . . anyway, this past friday marked one year from our impending wedding. so, to celebrate, we went on a "date" like the kiddies do.

we got dressed up and went to the mall.

yeah, it was awesome.

oh, but not just any mall, the Dallas Galleria Shopping Centre Extravaganza. it was still pretty awesome, actually. we told the girl at Lush that it was our -1 year anniversary and she gave me a mini soft hand treatment. (she probably does for all the girls, but I like to think it's because I'm special.) then we went to Antonio in Addison for Italian food, which was awesome.
we, being excellent planners, didn't take any pictures or anything so I will have to substitute with a photo from easter this year.

so, here's what I wore (minus the "model face" look. and minus the 1980's decor at Rock's grandmother's house):

(my legs look furry in this shot. it's the camera, I promise)

aaand, front shot (minus "modesty tank top" required for grandmother/church visit.):

(the girl at Betsey Johnson loved my dress. yeah, that's right)

the craziest part of all of it was thinking about how long and how short the coming year seems. we've been together for 3 years, lived in the same place for less than 2, and will be married in less than 1.

I can't wait

#38. lemons & limes, part III

will continuously using this title get old? probably. too bad.

so back forever a few weeks ago I promised you some pictures from the latest lemon/lime extravaganza when I was home to visit momma. after the tests we did with real fruit (and the resulting mess!), momma thought it would be a good idea to test, well, fake fruit. foam fruit to be exact. somewhere (t.j.maxx), somehow (clearance rack) she found large amounts of foam faux lemons and limes. momma already has more vases than a second-rate flower shop so we hauled out tons of hers and got to work.

here's what we put together:

here's what I learned:

• I really like the look of all the same fruit in the tall lined vases (see the right side of pic 2)
• the deep green vase with the bright yellow lemons is great (see pic 1, just right of middle)
• I don't like the fishbowl vases (pic 2, left)
• the low bowl with flowers & fruit is super pretty (pic 2, lower left) but real fruit won't float, right? will that be good or bad?
• we will in no way need to buy vases! seriously. there are, what, 10 vases on the table here? not even a dent in the displayed collection. not even a dent. I swear the woman has 15 tall lined ones & 8 or 10 of those low floater bowls
• wine is a necessity in these endeavors
• my step daddy is such a good sport

and, for those of you who have made it this far, here's a bonus shot of my memorial day weekend. we got a grill!

(yeah, that's me. in a box. I may or may not have tried to trap the dog in it later that evening. unsuccessfully.)

#35. you can read me anything

did you watch the scrubs finale the other night? (I know, I'm a little behind. look, that's what tivo is for, right?) anyway, did you watch it? I cried. for real. sobbed. (surprise, right? or not . . .) I love scrubs. I like zach braff even though I don't always understand him (garden state? I guess I just didn't get it)

my favorite part of the episode was at the very end, when he's leaving the hospital & sees his future played on the scrim in front of him. It was beautiful and funny and Elliot has a gorgeous dress on in their future wedding.





I also really like the song they played for that final montage. it's been in my head for days! I was pretty sure I recognized it from somewhere, but I could not put it together. so last night I finally looked it up. it was the peter gabriel version of Book of Love. (honestly, I was a little embarrassed that it was peter gabriel. and that it's cheesy. but I like it) I really like the music. I have now listened to the original (magnetic fields), the peter gabriel and a few other covers but I like the scrubs one best . . . I'm thinking about it for wedding music . . . in the ceremony somewhere? first dance? (we don't have a song. I'm sure I'll talk more about that later)

and I'm actually still not sure where I first heard it song (not from shall we dance. it was before that . . .) but I guess it doesn't matter too much.

#34. I prefer the term "empathetic"

I've been getting weepy a lot lately. we're still over a year out from W-Day but it's starting to be a very real thing. and EVERY TIME there is something wedding-y on tv, I am sniffling. really. we moved the kleenex from the bathroom into the living room because Rock got tired of me wiping my face on his t shirt. I mean, I was tearing up at Whose Wedding is it Anyway last night . . . who does that? (side note: it was the "chicken fried wedding" one. it was in dallas. I turn to Rock and say "I've been there!" I though it was funny. him, not so much)

I've been mentally projecting myself a year into the future and thinking about what we might be doing a year from today (or yesterday or tomorrow) . . . with a wedding 2 weeks away, I'll probably freaking the heck out, but it's fun to imagine that I'll be all calm and cool about everything. I'm reading blogs from ladies who are there, on the brink, and I am so very impressed! (Maggie, talking to you here!) I'm pretty sure I'll be a hot mess. (see how I'm pickin up on the texas slang? I'm hip with the kids, yo) I think I'm weepy now? man . . . I can only imagine . . .

I have always been kind of, um, emotional (my fam would say "dramatic") . . . and I hope to heck I can manage to not become a total weepy mess, but I really doubt it. maybe it'll be endearing, right?

#33. first of all, it's a big responsibility

it's been another busy day at work today . . . or not so much . . . so, in order to do something productive, I made this (at wordle.com):

it's from a poem by Taylor Mali (check out the hair!) called Falling in Love is Like Owning a Dog. Mr Mali is a teacher, or was a teacher, and a poet. he has an impressive resume & has written some great poems about education & his experiences as a teacher (one of my favorites is Like Lilly Like Wilson).

Falling in Love . . . makes me think of Rock (and of his our sissy dog, Conan (yes, like The Barbarian)) and I'd love to use it as a reading in our ceremony. I know this poem was a "wedding fad" at one time, but I've never heard it read at a wedding, so I can still use it.

from Falling in Love is Like Owning a Dog, by Taylor Mali

On cold winter nights, love is warm.
It lies between you and lives and breathes and makes funny noises.
Love wakes you up all hours of the night with its needs.
It needs to be fed so it will grow and stay healthy.

Love doesn't like being left alone for long.
But come home and love is always happy to see you.
It may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life,
but you can never be mad at love for long.

Throw things away and love will bring them back,
again, and again, and again.
But most of all, love needs love, lots of it.
And in return, love loves you and never stops.

(read the full text of the poem at his website. here.)

#32. why I love hgtv (or lemons & limes, part II)

renting sucks. Rock & I live in a little house in ghetturbia. you know, right where the ghetto bleeds into the suburbs? not quite gritty enough to be urban, not yet chic enough to have a name? that's us. (side note: I didn't know neighborhoods needed names until I moved here. is that normal or just texas?) also, we have the dumbest woman I have ever met in real life for our landlady. all of this makes me want to own a house . . . more than I can possibly express, I want to actually own the place where I sleep. I have dreams of painting walls and retiling floors and installing kitchen cabinets . . . as a result, we watch a lot of hgtv. and I have been reading design & remodel blogs lately.

enter This Young House and their diy/design fabulousness. they have been remodeling their midcentury ranch house & post about it. they answer reader questions, they post lots of pictures . . . and they posted about their gorgeous, casual, at-home, backyard wedding!

they held the ceremony in the back yard.

and the reception on the driveway.

(reception night shot)

check out her awesome dress (love the back!)

which she dyed afterwards to be a fab cocktail number

and, AND they used lemons & limes in glass vases for the centerpieces! this is just like what I want!

I am nowhere near ambitious enough to hold a wedding in my very own backyard (even if we had a nice one that wasn't full of mud & the neighbors trash . . . ) but this wedding (and couple) is so cute! go check it out!

#31. condition yellow!

is north texas traffic really always "condition yellow" . . . really? and, if it is always yellow, why do we even have to announce that? couldn't they just announce if it one day happens to be not yellow? I listen to the radio frequently on my way to and from work. I have never heard any other condition. what are the other colors it could be, anyway?

weird.

(also, isn't Airwolf an 80s tv drama about fighting the communists? why is that a good thing to name your traffic report? I know I don't especially like to think about the commies before I've had my coffee . . . )

#30. I always loved Nancy Drew

I finalized arrangements today to make a trip to visit Momma. aside from taking off work, seeing my family and escaping this dismal weather, I’m also excited because this trip will be the first dress fitting! wait, what’s that you say? what’s the deal with having a fitting a year out from the wedding? and where the heck did this dress come from, anyway . . . I don’t remember her going shopping or anything . . . to you who are suddenly thinking I’m crazy, I say, you’re absolutely right. I probably am crazy.

you’re also right about the Mystery of the Suddenly Appearing Wedding Gown, Nancy Drew, I haven’t talked about going shopping. no, you didn’t miss it. well, actually, you did. it was almost 4 years ago. and yes, I probably am crazy, but not in the way you’re thinking.

see, this dress, that I have a picture of somewhere . . . I’ll rustle it up for you . . . (ooh, how texan of me: rustle up) this dress, I love. with every fiber, I love it – its smooth simplicity, the weight of the gown on my body, how glamorous I feel wearing it . . . I love this dress. I vaguely mentioned earlier that I have worked in a bridal store; that is where this dress was purchased. I however, did not mention earlier that I have been engaged before. true story. this is not my first venture into this whole wedding planning stuff. I’ve done a lot of this stuff before.

his name is boy wonder and he was my very best friend for a long time. there is too much to say about what happened, what went wrong, so I won’t say it. I will say that when the relationship started to sour, he proposed. and I stupidly accepted, thinking it could fix things. it didn’t. at the end, it became so clear that he was very much a boy, not ready to be grown, and I had already moved so far past him that there was no catching up. and at the very very end, I realized that I had known this all along.

the hardest part of the whole thing is that in every decision I make, there is the ghost of the “last time” lurking in the shadows. I want to have cupcakes, but that’s what I wanted “last time” too . . . and thinking of them makes me think of boy wonder and how we loved “frost your own cupcake day” in the cafeteria. I want to walk down the aisle to Hallelujah (probably Jeff Buckley rather than Rufus Wainright) but I know I fell in love with the harmonies when boy wonder played it on the piano. and this brings me to the dress and the insanely early fittings . . .

when Rock & I get married, I will be wearing the dress I purchased to wear to marry another man. Momma has let me know this is weird. but I love this dress. I fell in love with it on my third day of work. I love this dress. Rock has let me know that he understands. (and that he doesn’t think it’s weird) I love Rock. but I do want to make some changes to the dress to make it truly mine and truly a part of our wedding.

enter Momma’s best friend, an amazingly talented seamstress and fabric artist. (seriously. she MADE her daughter-in-law’s wedding gown. from scratch, by hand, no pattern, in raw italian silk. that she went to italy to buy. She also embroidered a few exquisite fall leaves on the train and on the veil. she’s uh-MAZ-ing.) My design plus her skills will (hopefully) equal one super awesome dress! Momma’s friend is a professor she has an open expanse of time during the summer for personal projects. And I’m her personal project this summer! After the fitting/brainstorm design session I will bring you actual pictures & details & everything. I hope I can bring myself to cut into it . . .

#29. my afternoon

guess what I made today?!



it's not 100% perfect but I really like it! and it only took me about half the work day. (in between other things of course) my boss would be so proud . . .

hey, some days I actually do work. today? not so much.

#28. you know it was a good party when

you open your purse the next day (at work) to figure out why the heck it's so heavy and you find this:

yeah, that's my office chair.

(I brought the beer for a friend's dinner party & rather than bring a whole box home with only 3 bottles rolling around in the bottom, I thought I'd be really smart and just throw them into my purse. turns out there were 4 bottles left . . . yeah, really smart)

#27. "pretty nice little saturday . . . "

(note: this was supposed to post yesterday. not sure what happened there . . .)

ok, ok, it was actually sunday. and we went to Lowe's not Home Depot. but still, it works people, it works . . . . (plus, we did have enough time to go to Bed Bath & Beyond)

anyway, I needed to repot some plants and Rock wanted to look at lumber (again) for his (interminable) entertainment center project. (no really, he's been talking about this for almost a year. we've made 4 of these "wood scouting trips" and I don't even know how many he's made on his own. -- I swear he spends his lunch breaks at Home Depot. he has the store memorized)

anyway, Lowe's. garden center. browsing through the azaleas and the gerbera daisies and all the other gorgeous blooms I didn't even know you could grow at home! (stupid short mountain growing seasons) and there they are:

boots! and not just boots, BOOT PLANTERS! you're supposed to put your pansies in there and put it in your yard! in your yard! and to think of the time I wasted making fun of the little "southwest" pots with a cactus on them . . . I was going to try to put my foot in it, but Rock stopped me. I think he was embarrassed . . .

we didn't buy any boot planters. but I did get a cute little tomato plant and Rock picked out a pepper plant. we bought pots and soil and pavers for the backyard (but no wood. again.) and I even got everything repotted before the crazy rain storm!

I also realized that I have no clue how to grow tomatoes or peppers. and I'm historically pretty bad at keeping things alive . . . this could be fun . . . anyone know how to not kill food plants?

#26. refreshing taste of lemon & lime

remember when mom came to visit? and we tested out some different centerpiece ideas? I finally have pictures!

we're looking at green and yellow (and maybe sapphire blue) for colors and thought what's green and yellow? fruit! specifically, lemons and limes. so, momma and I bought a bunch of lemons and limes and spent half a day cramming them into vases in various order.

like so . . .

not bad but not exactly what I was looking for . . .

we also cut slices to put into a vase with a narrower opening:

a little gross, you say? yeah, but look at it a few hours later . . .

mmmmm . . . or not. I think this one is a NO

after a while, we came up with what I think is a winner:

(mmmm . . . background liquor cabinet . . . which I totally needed after 4+ hours of fruit arranging )

it would look better if the glass didn't have that strange wheat pattern, but, it's a pretty clear idea of what we're going for. maybe this on half, floral on half? maybe some of both? not completely sure yet, but I feel like some sort of progress has been made. and that's enough for me. (for now . . .)

what do you think?

#25. rocky mountain romance

ooh! Snippet & Ink posted a wyoming inspiration board! she calls it "rocky mountain romance" and says:

A rustic, quaint log chapel, a bride in cowboy boots, horseshoes, s'mores, and a
mechanical bull - all perfect elements for a wedding in Wyoming.

it is pretty. I'm pretty sure that if momma was running my wedding, it would look like this . . .

#24. things I learned last week:

the training I went through last week was a lot about self-discovery. yes yes, and how to use the MBTI to help others with that whole self-discovery thing, but I really learned a lot about myself. here's what I've got:

1. I actually am an extrovert. I've been off and on about this for years but I've completely proven it now. I love to talk to people, meet people, work with people, do things . . . and I always have, but I used to be shy. painfully shy. really. like, wouldn't speak up in an empty room because I might disagree with myself shy. (that's because of the F part of me, if you're familiar with Myers-Briggs. I'm an ENFP. and I love it.) but dang, you tell me my job is to talk to people and I am off running and loving every minute of it!

2. I HATE traffic. there is not enough money in the world to make me work downtown and have to drive in every day. I am totally open to moving closer -- even into a downtown loft (I mean, if you're paying me, why not) -- but I cannot will not drive through that crap every single day. somewhat related is point 3:

3. I am terrible at directions. and the gps doesn't help (in fact, I'm convinced she's really out to get me. maybe she's jealous. story for another time). Rock kindly lent me Suzie, his garmin gps, so I wouldn't get lost. I also looked up and printed both mapquest and google directions. all this led me to call Rock from somewhere outside love field (north of dallas) totally totally lost. (have I mentioned that I live south of dallas? way south? and west? like, into tarrant county west?) this just made the driving part longer (and added more yelling)

4. parking garages scare the living crap out of me! for real. they're so big and strangely lit and echo-y it just creeps me out. actually, I already knew this. what I learned: an all-underground one? worse. way worse. if some creepo jumps out from behind a parked car to attack you, at least you can't be thrown off the edge, but there will be no one to hear you scream! they made a movie about this very thing (P2. interested? review here) and I refused to see it! (well, more because it looked really terrible, but still, it's the principle of the thing) scary!

so yeah, that's what I learned at my MBTI training. and all sorts of helpful stuff about team-building and leadership training and career coaching . . . but how often will I use that? really?

#23. alphabet soup

I've been MIA lately because I'm completing a CAPT training to become certified in the MBTI in order to determine if someone is an ESTJ or an ISTP (or some other combination of letters).

after 45 minutes to get there, 8 full hours of training (including daily exams) and then at least an hour to get home, I am so completely drained . . . plus an additional 90 minutes of reading & "homework" to do each night = mush for brains . . . and this was only day 2 of 4 . . .

I'll try to think of something really good to post for this weekend . . . . . right now I am going to go eat the spaghetti Rock made for me. and go to bed. after the homework of course . . .

#22. at least he's honest

victoria's secret has new perfumes! I know this isn't really news since they seem to come up with something new every other week. and then send me a catalogue telling me about it and making me want to buy some new bras or shoes or yoga pants. (Rock also seems to really like when I get a new vicky's catalogue . . .)

anyway, new perfumes . . . sorry, new parfums intimes named for lingerie fabrics: satin, silk, lace, cashmere. and I got free samples! (finally! the angels vip card actually gets you something other than an outrageous interest rate!) look!

so of course the minute I get home I need to test all of them to see if I will like them or not. after spritzing all of them a little, I commit to try "Satin" (Rose de Mai) (um, what?) first. I spray it on and go find Rock to see what he thinks. I no sooner walk in the kitchen and he says "what's that smell? does something smell weird? . . . oh, it's you, isn't it?"

sooo, satin is apparently out. thanks babe.

#21. maybe I AM awesome!

I got in! aaahhhh!

on a related note, I think I have just figured out what is wrong with our educational system . . . in spite of my inability to form a complete sentence and my incoherent ramblings saved forever on voicemail (read all the embarrassment here), they accepted me into graduate school! suckers!

bobcats here I come!

(that is, assuming I can afford you . . . . . *sigh*)

#20. location showdown, part 2

after much debate (no really. we went rounds and rounds about this. I have the "master matrix of decision making" to prove it), we picked a location! and confirmed a date! and got a caterer! woo! I feel like I've accomplished so much!

ok, so, we're gonna do this thing May 29 at a hill country bed & breakfast . . . not my original date choice, honestly -- the venue GAVE AWAY our original date & didn't feel like they needed to tell me until a week later when I called them . . . (can you tell I'm still a little steamed) but, really, this will be a much better date. Rock's granny & gpaw got married on May 29 years and years ago. I didn't know this until Granny got misty when we told her the date we picked . . . Gpaw passed last year, so it will really mean a lot to her.

anyway, enough talky-talky . . . pictures of the b&b:

It looks like Tara . . .

(the gazebo isn't actually tilt-y, just Rock's photo skillz)

something terribly facinating in the fountain . . .

and, my favorite . . . at night . . .

I am so super duper excited about this place! and it's a b&b so we're staying there the night before and the night after! (the pics of the inside turned out strange . . . probly ghosts. no really, it totally looks like ghosts. and while we were there, a really heavy vase just fell over in a totally empty room. ghosts. I'm excited!)

also, they have a chef, so that's a check too! we're having steak fajitas & lime-cilantro chicken quesadillas and other deliciousness . . . mmmmm . . . .

in a strangely-related conicidence, it turns out their sous-chef worked in and around yellowstone (where Rock & I met!) . . . .

have I mentioned I'm excited?!

#19. the "w" word . . .

I’ve been reading the wedding blogs again . . . and the magazines. and the books, websites, catalogues – anything with the word “wedding” will draw me in! even though I know better . . . it's makes me crazy. they’re all the same, even if they think they’re not. oh, I know your wedding is not a contest and that we should liberate ourselves from expectations and that the “evil” wedding industry sometimes makes no sense and that your wedding should be just that, yours, and a way to honor people/ideas/things that are important to you. and all of these brides are so great at doing that . . .

but what if I want a “wedding” (air quotes and all)? what if I want a white dress and a pretty cake (or cupcakes, whatever) and a dance with my daddy and a veil and flowers and candles and rice? maybe I don’t want it all (the bouquet/garter toss? not a big priority. the bridal portrait or engagement pictures? I don’t know what we’d do with them.) but there are things I do want. there are things momma and my dad and Rock’s granny hope to have and see and do. and the happiness of my family is unbelievably important.

I don’t want to spend a lot of money. I fell in love with a gorgeous, reasonably priced location. for an extra price, they offer rental all day & the night before (& a pool!). adding that option makes it out of my reach. but momma wants to spend the extra money for us to have more time to relax. at that price, my total budget will go way up, but she wants it. she wants to buy it for me. and I will not refuse a kind gift from my mother just for the sake of my ego or (worse) so I can show the internets that I too am practical and offbeat and able to stick to a budget.

If it’s not martha or the knot demanding I investigate teeth whitening for my big day, it’s someone else telling me that wanting to wear Vera Wang makes me ridiculous.

I guess either way I’m out the group . . .

UPDATE: I just read Maggie's post for today and feel so much better. Please go see her here.

#18. absent

I haven’t written much lately . . . and it’s not for lack of things to say, I actually have some exciting stuff to talk about (we picked a place! practice centerpiece pictures!) but I just haven’t been feeling it . . .

I’ve felt restless, disorganized, melancholy, stressed . . . and I’m not exactly sure why. I just feel so dissatisfied . . .

not because of Rock, god no, though we have been bickering. he’s the best thing that ever happened to me and without him I would be completely adrift.

not because of mom, though I certainly have reason! (also, drama with momma & the location. details to follow . . . )

not because of work or grad school or money or wedding planning or our lemon of a house . . . even though all those things stress me out mightily, it seems to run so much deeper than that . . .

and yesterday, on the way home from work, a familiar but long-lost song came on my ipod and I couldn’t help but sing. loudly. and right there I figured it all out . . . I couldn’t remember the last time I opened my mouth to sing out loud. at all, much less in praise of Him. and I just started bawling right there in the car just off of highway 20. I don’t remember the last time I did something creative. I can’t remember the last time I touched my sewing machine, pulled a charcoal across a page, mixed up watercolors – even picked up a crayon! and my heart is so heavy with that realization. I feared that moving to texas would cause me to lose some of who I was, but truthfully, it started long before I packed the first box.

this weekend. I’m making a dress. I have to make a change.

#17. cause I'm awesome

I applied to grad school about a month ago and haven't heard a breath of a word. until the other day. the head of the department left me a message about some changes in the program, I need to select either thesis option or project option, etc, etc, etc . . . and I start freaking out.

after asking everyone who would stop and listen to me, I decided on the thesis option. (our vietnamese building attendant thought I should. that or I should stop walking on his flowerbeds, not really sure . . .) I called and left the department head a message that I would like to start in the thesis option one but that I wondered about the other and that I didn’t have much information about the specifics . . . and while I was doing this (standing in the super echo-y entryway to my office), it starts raining like crazy, weather sirens start going off & I get all confused, stumble over my words, and forget what I was saying . . . it was awesome.

more freaking out. so, I decide to write her an email clarifying that I am interested in the thesis option & sorry if she couldn’t understand the message, with the weather sirens and such . . . I’m almost done with this email and she calls! I try to close the window & accidentally push send (cause I’m awesome). So she got this half finished email that may or may not actually make sense . . . (cause I’m awesome). more freaking out.

I had a great conversation with her (in spite of the freaking out silently). she thought I’d hear something in the next few weeks & if I get in (she said that part), she will email me more information.

now we wait. and hope that my inability to use email doesn’t hurt my chances. and that super-awesome rambly voicemail I left her . . . crap. I'm screwed.

#16. rocky mountain high

if we had decided to have a mountain wedding, this would be my ideal backdrop . . .
but we decided on texas. and I'm ok with that. I'm very ok with that. until I saw this gorgeous wedding on a.mountain.bride's blog the other day . . .

courtesy of the very talented Julie Harris Photography, Jen & Matt's colorado wedding:

makes me homesick! that aspen grove makes my heart sing . . .

a texas wedding will be best. and it'll be dramatic too. but nothing can compare with that mountain vista . . .

#15. all a matter of pride

when non-texan sis was here last week, we went out to Buffalo Wild Wings to eat some asian zing wings and play a little trivia. (unrelated tangent: in my college town, everyone called this chain "BW3's" I say that here & people look at me like I'm crazy. am I crazy? tangent over.) In this very fine establishment, we saw a woman at the next table with a tattoo. a tattoo behind her right ear. a tattoo behind her right ear depicting the state of texas. the state of texas! (I totally wanted to get a picture of this, but couldn't come up with a good way to ask her)

now, maybe I'm just jealous because if I got a tattoo of my home state, it'd just be a rectangle (and I'd forever be explaining what it was). But really? the state of texas? umm . . . why? in case you forget where you live? of all things to have permanently inked on your body . . .

when I told Rock, he was totally unfazed. he's seen a million texas tattoos. is this some sort of bonding ritual or residency requirement or what? (cause if it is, I might never change my license plates)

no, he says, it's a matter of pride. state pride. I see. now, I'm proud of my state (mostly) but I'm still not getting a tattoo of it (see: stupid rectangle shape, above). so I told Rock I'm getting this:

{from cbs sports. here.}
(bonus points awarded if you recognize the mascot!)

#14. location showdown, round one

I am from the mountains. Rock is from texas.
we met in the mountains. we live in texas.
we someday want to live in the mountains. we currently live in texas.
we love the mountains. we don't love texas. (ok, that's mostly me)

so where oh where would we think to get married? no, not the mountains . . .

our dream wedding** would be outdoors, in a forest or even a meadow with a majestic rocky mountain backdrop. wildflowers, Mexican food, a cold mountain lake, snow-capped peaks . . . *sigh* perfection . . . seems like a no-brainer, right? oh no . . . this has been perhaps the biggest source of anguish since our engagement. (which is saying a lot considering we got engaged at the height of the crazy-family-explosion-of-drama that is the holidays) (no really, my family is nuts)

so, it might come as a surprise to you that, in the end, the big supporter on the "wedding in texas" side was me. (surprised me!) really, hosting the wedding where we really live will be much easier for us in the long run. it'll be a chance for both our families to take a mini vacation. we can still find somewhere gorgeous and outdoorsy to have it, mountains or not. (they still have trees and grass and flowers in texas. imagine that)

texas is fine, but it sure isn't the same . . .



**ok, my dream wedding. one of them, at least . . . (there may or may not be a dozen more possible scenarios. I did work in a bridal store.) (funny, none of those ever included texas . . . hmm)

#13. wedding industry vs self-esteem

in my search for "real texans" who are also "real people" (read: people I would like to be friends with), I found Maggie at Eat Drink Marry and her political campaign wedding -- so creative! (and the red shoes are fab!) I love her "F-Word Fridays" and all the fun ideas she's come up with. (totally stealing the cocktail napkin trivia!)

she's going for her first fitting and, well . . . just read it, here and then read her "letter" to the store where she bought her wedding gown (here. hilarious. and sad.) and tell me you aren't just totally pissed off! as if the wedding industry doesn't offer enough ways to make women feel anxious, guilty or insecure . . . bridal salons are often among the worst culprits! buying a wedding dress should be a fun, glamorous and exciting event. I mean, how often is it that you get to try on amazing dresses and have people fawn over you? and every woman should leave her shopping experience feeling like an absolutely beautiful goddess not like she is somehow less because of her size or shape (or budget!). that is exactly the reason I got out of the bridal industry.

the dress-buying day grants salespeople the perfect opportunity (and even, dare I say, responsibility) to work against the machine and try to reverse some of that "there is onle one standard of beauty and it's not you" magazine thinking we have been poisoned with all these years . . . haven't we come farther than this? aren't we supposed to be more accepting and loving than we were years ago? a woman in love is beautiful, even if she doesn't fit exactly into the size 6 sample dresses (who does, really?)

plus, isn't that what alterations is for?

(grrrr . . . getting off of soap-box . . . )

(oh, ps: I really do think some of it is dallas. sorry big-d, you are one crazy vain biatch . . .)

#12. mother knows best

remember how I didn't have any plans for non-texan mom's visit? (except for these. which were SO tasty, by the way!) well, as it turns out, momma had plenty of plans, all involving wedding things . . . unbeknownst to me, momma has stored any snippet of wedding related opinion I might ever have expressed, no matter how casually I might have mentioned it. therefore, she was just full of questions about so many things. things I didn't even know I should have been thinking about . . .

I love my momma, but she can be a little intense . . . a few direct transcripts of our conversations:

momma: you're doing cupcakes instead of a cake right?
me: umm, well, I did kinda think cupcakes might be kinda cool . . . Rock & I haven't really
talked about it . . .
momma: ok, so how are you displaying them? did you want step-daddy to build a
display? were you still planning on having the aunts make them all? I bought this
magazine that has instructions on making little gumdrop flowers to decorate them . . .
me: ummm . . . wait, what?

momma: I was thinking we'd buy a bunch of lemons and limes today to try out your
centerpiece ideas
me: ideas?
momma: right, the different vases with lemons and limes and different flowers like you
talked about before. you have vases right? let's go buy some!
me: . . . I might have a couple . . . wait, I don't want you to spend a ton of money on this
stuff. especially not on practice vases.
momma: you've always wanted lemons and limes in vases though. we have to practice.
I'm sure you'll find something to do with them after we're done.
me: wait, what?

momma: did you find any place to buy that pink sparkle crystal tiara you're going to wear?
me: uh . . . I'm sorry? tiara?
momma: like you've always wanted . . .
me: did I actually ever say anything about a pink sparkly tiara?
momma: you did. may 1991. don't you remember?
me: when I was 8? really? really?

#10. hey cupcake

non-texan mom and non-texan sis are in town for the week. mostly because it's HOT here and approximately super-cold where they live. (and also to see me, so they say . . . )

and, due to my excellent knowledge of the area and mad planning skillz*, we have exactly nothing planned to do. except this:

coldstone has cupcakes! how brilliant! technically, they are just a "special limited time promotion" and are only around until the end of March. but I asked the singing ice cream mixer and he said they will almost certainly be back as a regular menu option. look at this utter deliciousness!

(yes, I know it's blurry. it still looks tasty. blurry and tasty.)

* actually, I asked them what they wanted to do this week and they said "Be Warm" . . . so I say it's their fault we have nothing to do but eat cupcakes. as if that's a bad thing.

#9. I do have really cute shoes

{postsecret.com}

my irrational fears:
- using the "accessible" stall in a public bathroom and exiting to a massive beatdown from a woman in a wheelchair who had to wait
- birds
- needles
- not fitting into my wedding dress

no, really. I dreamt last night that my mom washed it for me the day before the wedding and the whole thing shrunk to child size, like a really nice sweater in a cheesy sitcom . . .

this whole thing is irrational because I: a) have over a year until I'll need to wear it so there's a lot of time there for me to figure something out and b) know some really good seamstresses (umm . . . me) in a "worst-case-scenario"

(that and c) my mom hasn't done my laundry since the 6th grade. I know there is nooo way she'd start back up now)

but still . . . the fears swell up time and time again . . .

I just didn't figure the wedding nightmares would start up so soon . . .

#8. I guess I need this

a friendly helper from Sue at Happy Meals & Happy Hour . . . to combat pms alzheimers . . .

please read: http://happymealsandhappyhour.blogspot.com/2009/01/pms-warning.html

Cause EVERY MONTH I get all emotional and argumentative and angry and EVERY MONTH I'm like "What the hell is wrong with everybody? Why is everyone picking fights with me!? Why must they make me CRY in freakin Applebees?!?"

ohhh, right . . .

#7. oooh . . .

everything I've ever wanted in one easy click . . .

#6. nothin better to do, apparently. . .

Rock loves to watch the History Channel. lately he has been fascinated with MonsterQuest {www.monsterquest.com}. we now know all about any number of various oversized beasts including giant birds, giant bears and giant cats. as a result of the latest episode, we have become acquainted with the Texas Bigfoot Research Conservancy. no joke. the TBRC. at www.texasbigfoot.com.

these fine gentlemen here . . .

they are a certified non-profit dedicated to finding bigfoot. for real. they do research, compile others' research and chronicle reported sightings in a 4-state area. (you can add the "latest sightings" ticker to your rss feed)

best of all? there's a Texas Bigfoot Conference! have plans for the 26th of Septemper? then bring your 60 bucks to Tyler & the 2009 Texas Bigfoot Conference! Woo!

sounds like someone has waaay too much time on their hands . . .

#5. my secret

I found this on postsecret at the first of the year & saved it because I loved it so much. this weekend, I was reminded again how true it is for me and how lucky I am to have found him . . .

#4. where have you been all my life

so, I have seen the name "princess lasertron" {www.princesslasertron.com} pop up on various blogs here and there and I have thought to myself: self, maybe you should go see who this princess whatshername is & what she's all about . . . Self has usually responded by promptly forgetting what was going on & then thinking about cupcakes. this happens all the time . . .

but today I was extra-bored at work (for some reason) and somehow found an old post that linked to her uh-MAY-zing blog/shop/website/land of awesomeness {www,princesslasertron.com}. megan/princess lasertron makes absolutely beautiful felt and button flowers, bouquets, boutonnieres, corsages, pins and other gorgeousness!

how have I never seen this stuff before?! she is talented, gorgeous, fabulous, AND, she's from Omaha! I went to college right next door in Lincoln. (to add to the awesomeness, I almost went to the same college she did! it's like I very nearly kind of almost know someone famous!)

please look at her amazingness:
(all from and so much more at www.princesslasertron.com)

they're all hand-stitched, custom-color, totally unique designs

with vintage buttons!

with a little yellow thrown in, they'd match my color scheme perfectly!

but then I was sad, because I do love fresh flowers quite a lot and I think I would miss having them at my wedding. princess lasertron has a solution for that too:

bouquets with button-flowers mixed in! sweeeeet!

if you haven't seen her site yet (really? after all that & you still didn't go? really?), go now now now before the cupcakes take over your brain again: www.princesslasertron.com. In addition to her beautiful products, you can find info about her GREAT wedding (featured on offbeatbride, polkadotbride and many many many other places)