#17. cause I'm awesome

I applied to grad school about a month ago and haven't heard a breath of a word. until the other day. the head of the department left me a message about some changes in the program, I need to select either thesis option or project option, etc, etc, etc . . . and I start freaking out.

after asking everyone who would stop and listen to me, I decided on the thesis option. (our vietnamese building attendant thought I should. that or I should stop walking on his flowerbeds, not really sure . . .) I called and left the department head a message that I would like to start in the thesis option one but that I wondered about the other and that I didn’t have much information about the specifics . . . and while I was doing this (standing in the super echo-y entryway to my office), it starts raining like crazy, weather sirens start going off & I get all confused, stumble over my words, and forget what I was saying . . . it was awesome.

more freaking out. so, I decide to write her an email clarifying that I am interested in the thesis option & sorry if she couldn’t understand the message, with the weather sirens and such . . . I’m almost done with this email and she calls! I try to close the window & accidentally push send (cause I’m awesome). So she got this half finished email that may or may not actually make sense . . . (cause I’m awesome). more freaking out.

I had a great conversation with her (in spite of the freaking out silently). she thought I’d hear something in the next few weeks & if I get in (she said that part), she will email me more information.

now we wait. and hope that my inability to use email doesn’t hurt my chances. and that super-awesome rambly voicemail I left her . . . crap. I'm screwed.

#16. rocky mountain high

if we had decided to have a mountain wedding, this would be my ideal backdrop . . .
but we decided on texas. and I'm ok with that. I'm very ok with that. until I saw this gorgeous wedding on a.mountain.bride's blog the other day . . .

courtesy of the very talented Julie Harris Photography, Jen & Matt's colorado wedding:

makes me homesick! that aspen grove makes my heart sing . . .

a texas wedding will be best. and it'll be dramatic too. but nothing can compare with that mountain vista . . .

#15. all a matter of pride

when non-texan sis was here last week, we went out to Buffalo Wild Wings to eat some asian zing wings and play a little trivia. (unrelated tangent: in my college town, everyone called this chain "BW3's" I say that here & people look at me like I'm crazy. am I crazy? tangent over.) In this very fine establishment, we saw a woman at the next table with a tattoo. a tattoo behind her right ear. a tattoo behind her right ear depicting the state of texas. the state of texas! (I totally wanted to get a picture of this, but couldn't come up with a good way to ask her)

now, maybe I'm just jealous because if I got a tattoo of my home state, it'd just be a rectangle (and I'd forever be explaining what it was). But really? the state of texas? umm . . . why? in case you forget where you live? of all things to have permanently inked on your body . . .

when I told Rock, he was totally unfazed. he's seen a million texas tattoos. is this some sort of bonding ritual or residency requirement or what? (cause if it is, I might never change my license plates)

no, he says, it's a matter of pride. state pride. I see. now, I'm proud of my state (mostly) but I'm still not getting a tattoo of it (see: stupid rectangle shape, above). so I told Rock I'm getting this:

{from cbs sports. here.}
(bonus points awarded if you recognize the mascot!)

#14. location showdown, round one

I am from the mountains. Rock is from texas.
we met in the mountains. we live in texas.
we someday want to live in the mountains. we currently live in texas.
we love the mountains. we don't love texas. (ok, that's mostly me)

so where oh where would we think to get married? no, not the mountains . . .

our dream wedding** would be outdoors, in a forest or even a meadow with a majestic rocky mountain backdrop. wildflowers, Mexican food, a cold mountain lake, snow-capped peaks . . . *sigh* perfection . . . seems like a no-brainer, right? oh no . . . this has been perhaps the biggest source of anguish since our engagement. (which is saying a lot considering we got engaged at the height of the crazy-family-explosion-of-drama that is the holidays) (no really, my family is nuts)

so, it might come as a surprise to you that, in the end, the big supporter on the "wedding in texas" side was me. (surprised me!) really, hosting the wedding where we really live will be much easier for us in the long run. it'll be a chance for both our families to take a mini vacation. we can still find somewhere gorgeous and outdoorsy to have it, mountains or not. (they still have trees and grass and flowers in texas. imagine that)

texas is fine, but it sure isn't the same . . .



**ok, my dream wedding. one of them, at least . . . (there may or may not be a dozen more possible scenarios. I did work in a bridal store.) (funny, none of those ever included texas . . . hmm)

#13. wedding industry vs self-esteem

in my search for "real texans" who are also "real people" (read: people I would like to be friends with), I found Maggie at Eat Drink Marry and her political campaign wedding -- so creative! (and the red shoes are fab!) I love her "F-Word Fridays" and all the fun ideas she's come up with. (totally stealing the cocktail napkin trivia!)

she's going for her first fitting and, well . . . just read it, here and then read her "letter" to the store where she bought her wedding gown (here. hilarious. and sad.) and tell me you aren't just totally pissed off! as if the wedding industry doesn't offer enough ways to make women feel anxious, guilty or insecure . . . bridal salons are often among the worst culprits! buying a wedding dress should be a fun, glamorous and exciting event. I mean, how often is it that you get to try on amazing dresses and have people fawn over you? and every woman should leave her shopping experience feeling like an absolutely beautiful goddess not like she is somehow less because of her size or shape (or budget!). that is exactly the reason I got out of the bridal industry.

the dress-buying day grants salespeople the perfect opportunity (and even, dare I say, responsibility) to work against the machine and try to reverse some of that "there is onle one standard of beauty and it's not you" magazine thinking we have been poisoned with all these years . . . haven't we come farther than this? aren't we supposed to be more accepting and loving than we were years ago? a woman in love is beautiful, even if she doesn't fit exactly into the size 6 sample dresses (who does, really?)

plus, isn't that what alterations is for?

(grrrr . . . getting off of soap-box . . . )

(oh, ps: I really do think some of it is dallas. sorry big-d, you are one crazy vain biatch . . .)

#12. mother knows best

remember how I didn't have any plans for non-texan mom's visit? (except for these. which were SO tasty, by the way!) well, as it turns out, momma had plenty of plans, all involving wedding things . . . unbeknownst to me, momma has stored any snippet of wedding related opinion I might ever have expressed, no matter how casually I might have mentioned it. therefore, she was just full of questions about so many things. things I didn't even know I should have been thinking about . . .

I love my momma, but she can be a little intense . . . a few direct transcripts of our conversations:

momma: you're doing cupcakes instead of a cake right?
me: umm, well, I did kinda think cupcakes might be kinda cool . . . Rock & I haven't really
talked about it . . .
momma: ok, so how are you displaying them? did you want step-daddy to build a
display? were you still planning on having the aunts make them all? I bought this
magazine that has instructions on making little gumdrop flowers to decorate them . . .
me: ummm . . . wait, what?

momma: I was thinking we'd buy a bunch of lemons and limes today to try out your
centerpiece ideas
me: ideas?
momma: right, the different vases with lemons and limes and different flowers like you
talked about before. you have vases right? let's go buy some!
me: . . . I might have a couple . . . wait, I don't want you to spend a ton of money on this
stuff. especially not on practice vases.
momma: you've always wanted lemons and limes in vases though. we have to practice.
I'm sure you'll find something to do with them after we're done.
me: wait, what?

momma: did you find any place to buy that pink sparkle crystal tiara you're going to wear?
me: uh . . . I'm sorry? tiara?
momma: like you've always wanted . . .
me: did I actually ever say anything about a pink sparkly tiara?
momma: you did. may 1991. don't you remember?
me: when I was 8? really? really?

#10. hey cupcake

non-texan mom and non-texan sis are in town for the week. mostly because it's HOT here and approximately super-cold where they live. (and also to see me, so they say . . . )

and, due to my excellent knowledge of the area and mad planning skillz*, we have exactly nothing planned to do. except this:

coldstone has cupcakes! how brilliant! technically, they are just a "special limited time promotion" and are only around until the end of March. but I asked the singing ice cream mixer and he said they will almost certainly be back as a regular menu option. look at this utter deliciousness!

(yes, I know it's blurry. it still looks tasty. blurry and tasty.)

* actually, I asked them what they wanted to do this week and they said "Be Warm" . . . so I say it's their fault we have nothing to do but eat cupcakes. as if that's a bad thing.

#9. I do have really cute shoes

{postsecret.com}

my irrational fears:
- using the "accessible" stall in a public bathroom and exiting to a massive beatdown from a woman in a wheelchair who had to wait
- birds
- needles
- not fitting into my wedding dress

no, really. I dreamt last night that my mom washed it for me the day before the wedding and the whole thing shrunk to child size, like a really nice sweater in a cheesy sitcom . . .

this whole thing is irrational because I: a) have over a year until I'll need to wear it so there's a lot of time there for me to figure something out and b) know some really good seamstresses (umm . . . me) in a "worst-case-scenario"

(that and c) my mom hasn't done my laundry since the 6th grade. I know there is nooo way she'd start back up now)

but still . . . the fears swell up time and time again . . .

I just didn't figure the wedding nightmares would start up so soon . . .

#8. I guess I need this

a friendly helper from Sue at Happy Meals & Happy Hour . . . to combat pms alzheimers . . .

please read: http://happymealsandhappyhour.blogspot.com/2009/01/pms-warning.html

Cause EVERY MONTH I get all emotional and argumentative and angry and EVERY MONTH I'm like "What the hell is wrong with everybody? Why is everyone picking fights with me!? Why must they make me CRY in freakin Applebees?!?"

ohhh, right . . .

#7. oooh . . .

everything I've ever wanted in one easy click . . .

#6. nothin better to do, apparently. . .

Rock loves to watch the History Channel. lately he has been fascinated with MonsterQuest {www.monsterquest.com}. we now know all about any number of various oversized beasts including giant birds, giant bears and giant cats. as a result of the latest episode, we have become acquainted with the Texas Bigfoot Research Conservancy. no joke. the TBRC. at www.texasbigfoot.com.

these fine gentlemen here . . .

they are a certified non-profit dedicated to finding bigfoot. for real. they do research, compile others' research and chronicle reported sightings in a 4-state area. (you can add the "latest sightings" ticker to your rss feed)

best of all? there's a Texas Bigfoot Conference! have plans for the 26th of Septemper? then bring your 60 bucks to Tyler & the 2009 Texas Bigfoot Conference! Woo!

sounds like someone has waaay too much time on their hands . . .

#5. my secret

I found this on postsecret at the first of the year & saved it because I loved it so much. this weekend, I was reminded again how true it is for me and how lucky I am to have found him . . .

#4. where have you been all my life

so, I have seen the name "princess lasertron" {www.princesslasertron.com} pop up on various blogs here and there and I have thought to myself: self, maybe you should go see who this princess whatshername is & what she's all about . . . Self has usually responded by promptly forgetting what was going on & then thinking about cupcakes. this happens all the time . . .

but today I was extra-bored at work (for some reason) and somehow found an old post that linked to her uh-MAY-zing blog/shop/website/land of awesomeness {www,princesslasertron.com}. megan/princess lasertron makes absolutely beautiful felt and button flowers, bouquets, boutonnieres, corsages, pins and other gorgeousness!

how have I never seen this stuff before?! she is talented, gorgeous, fabulous, AND, she's from Omaha! I went to college right next door in Lincoln. (to add to the awesomeness, I almost went to the same college she did! it's like I very nearly kind of almost know someone famous!)

please look at her amazingness:
(all from and so much more at www.princesslasertron.com)

they're all hand-stitched, custom-color, totally unique designs

with vintage buttons!

with a little yellow thrown in, they'd match my color scheme perfectly!

but then I was sad, because I do love fresh flowers quite a lot and I think I would miss having them at my wedding. princess lasertron has a solution for that too:

bouquets with button-flowers mixed in! sweeeeet!

if you haven't seen her site yet (really? after all that & you still didn't go? really?), go now now now before the cupcakes take over your brain again: www.princesslasertron.com. In addition to her beautiful products, you can find info about her GREAT wedding (featured on offbeatbride, polkadotbride and many many many other places)